Staying Together Is Not Always the Best Idea


The reasons marriages take a turn for the worse are many and varied. Usually, there is no one singular reason. One partner may outgrow the other. The parties may lack common interests, or perhaps one partner is passive while the other is domineering. Alcoholism, abuse, infidelity, and mental illness are also common problems that send one spouse or the other to an attorney. The reasons are unique to every relationship. The important question to ask is, “Is the marriage actually harming the individual partners or other family members?” If the answer is yes, then obviously it is time to make some changes. If the answer is no, then perhaps there is a way back to one another through counseling or some other means.

The law office of Wisselman, Harounian & Associates is a Long Island divorce & family law firm with attorneys who can help guide clients through the legal and financial process that comes with the end of a marriage. Long before the separation occurs, there are usually concerns which affect every family member, including the children.

Effect on Children

Children who are in families where parents are unhappy and in conflict can have serious emotional and psychological problems themselves. Toxic marriages can cause more harm than good if parents remain together for the sake of the kids. The chronic tension in a relationship or actual domestic violence can harm the children even more than it does the parents. Children have a tendency to blame themselves for their parent’s conflicts, and the end result can appear in academic, physical, social, and emotional disorders that may be long term or permanent if there is not an intervention.

Effect on Mental Health

An unhappy marriage can create a variety of problems that affect a person’s mental and physical health. As stress levels rise, such illnesses as anxiety, depression, and heart disease may result. The cumulative effects of negative interactions in a marriage often manifest in ways that can inhibit one or the other from the ability to have a positive outlook on life, or even cope in a normal way. The stress also takes its toll on relationships with friends, co-workers, and other family members.

Effect on Finances

Financial difficulties (including paying household expenses, tax, credit card debts, budgeting, and investment issues) could be one of the primary reasons for divorce in the first place. Seeking professional advice and assistance can help overcome marital problems by setting goals and sticking to an agreed upon plan. This may not be an appropriate solution for more emotional or physical issues.

In addition to the costs involved in the divorce, couples who separate will invariably bear more of a financial burden. Each person must pay for food, clothing, shelter, and transportation separately. This can be devastating if both salaries were needed to maintain a particular lifestyle. Each person may need to adapt to smaller living quarters or accommodations out of the neighborhood they had been living. Many things that were taken for granted, such as eating out, shopping for new clothes, or vacationing, may have to be curtailed or cut out altogether.

Many couples with young children are advised to take steps to try to save the marriage. However, in many cases, including cases of abuse, addiction, or mental illness, it is apparent that it is time to consult a lawyer. On a positive note, many individuals who separate can go on to find a happier next chapter, whether they remain single or date new partners. The children also fare well, especially if their parents learn to communicate respectfully.

If and when any of us find ourselves in need of an attorney, the law office of Wisselman, Harounian & Associates is there to walk us through the process.

Contact us today at (516) 773-8300 to get started on your new life.

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